Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We left the knife in your bed.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
