he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
