I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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