I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
