areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
