My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
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I just found puke in my bra..
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
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You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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