she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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