I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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