I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
