yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
