dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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