u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
