well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I love how my cats smell like pot.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
