Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
