and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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