I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
