so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
