Got a toothbrush?
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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