this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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