i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
