we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
