Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
