Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
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He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
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It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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