That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
