why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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