Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
