she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
