are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
