I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
