She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
