Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He better not be in your backpack
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
