someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
