I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
