I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
