how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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