Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
