Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
