Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
