My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
