meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
