i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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