what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
