Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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