Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
we're making bets on your personal life
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
