Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm just crazy horny about you
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
