Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
