Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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