Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
