i already hear my dad disowning me
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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