Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
