awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Randomize
