I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
