I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Randomize
