Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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