Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
