every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
