I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
We have started to decorate penises.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
