call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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