So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
