so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
