pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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