I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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