I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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