Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
