I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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