Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I cockslap morals
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
