She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
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Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
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I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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