my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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