who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i barfeds in our rink
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
