he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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