Kiss
Puke
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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