yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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