i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
the gays at disneyland are vicious
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
