Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
