we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
