you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
