The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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