Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
