thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Enjoy the penises
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
