it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
