it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
