Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
