weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
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