Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
